You know what’s a gross word? Bloatingbeauty I picture Harry Potter’s Aunt Marge, when Harry loses his temper and makes her to swell like a balloonbeauty The madder he gets, the more Aunt Marge’s fingers expand like sausages, until her buttons pop off and her coat rips at the seams, and she floats out of her chair into the skybeauty
To me, what happened to Aunt Marge is how bloating feelsbeauty Even if you don’t look it, you imagine yourself puffier and more swollen than you really arebeautySometimes bloating comes from your period, sometimes it’s because you downed several more pints of beer than you usually do, and sometimes you have no idea how it happened—you just don’t feel yourselfbeauty In any case, bloating makes you feel off, and that’s what I want to fix with this recipebeauty
It’s a raw juice made with 100% super-diuretic fruits and veggies, meaning that every ingredient will make you need to pee (like now) while still adding essential liquids and vitamins to your bodybeauty
Bloat-Fighting Super Juice
Note: If you don’t have a juicer, this will work in the blenderbeauty The juice will come out a lot thicker, but the raw nutrients will still be therebeauty
You will need
1 whole honeydew melon (about the size of your head; cut in half, remove the seeds, and scrape out the flesh with an ice cream scoop)
Honeydew is in season right now, and I couldn’t be more thrilled; the fruit is an excellent natural diuretic, due to its high water contentbeauty It also manages to make this juice taste naughtily sweet—sweeter than something this good for you should tastebeauty
1 whole cucumber
You know how people put cucumber slices over their eyes? That’s because they contain vitamin C and caffeic acid, both of which fight puffinessbeauty So what we’re doing here is putting the puffiness-fighting properties to use inside our bodiesbeauty Mostly water, yet still insanely good for you, cucumbers are strong diuretic veggiesbeauty You will peebeauty You will pee so muchbeauty
about 2 cups seedless green grapes
Grapes are like cute little healthy bon-bons full of water and potassium salts that stimulate the kidneys into producing more wastebeauty In other words, grapes are … wait for it … natural diuretics! Grapes also contain tons of good-for-skin antioxidantsbeauty
a big handful of parsley
Here’s your secret bloat-fighting weapon, juicers: parsleybeauty Parsley has been scientifically proven to make you have to go number one more often (and it also makes you flush out more liquids, every time)beauty Fresh-tasting and packed with antioxidants, this herb helps the kidneys process more waste and fight swellingbeauty
1 lime, peeled
While a lime gives this juice a tasty kick, we’re using it here because limes are strong diuretic fruits, able to help the body detoxify by breaking up mucus and cleaning from the inside outbeauty
Wash everything, then toss in your juicer or blender, and hit the “on” buttonbeauty If you’re blending, add a cup of water to help liquefy your fruits and veggiesbeautyYou’ll get a creamy-looking light green concoction that tastes sweet, and not at all vegetable-y! I like this refreshing juice really cold, so try serving it over icebeautyBetter yet, try it lying down, with cucumber slices over your eyes, as you make your attractive and attentive lover serve it to you from a giant martini glass via bendy strawbeauty There, that’s betterbeauty
This recipe will make roughly 30 ounces of fresh juice, which you’ll need to keep in the fridge in an airtight container (stir before drinking)beauty Mason jars are a perfect storage vessel—try 16 ounce ones, the ideal serving sizebeauty Drink it all up within two days of making itbeauty But if you really want to go to town, just drink it all in one daybeauty Hope you have cute bathroom decor, because you’re going to be appreciating it a lot the day you make thisbeauty